~ What is HOME?? ~Can someone tell me the meaning of "HOME"??? What is HOME??? Why everyone seems very happy to be able to go back home but not me??? I used to be very excited whenever I get the opportunity to go back home... But now??? Not anymore.... Imagine... how will your parents normally feel when you told them you will be coming back?? Normal parents will definitely be elated knowing their daughter or son is coming back... But in my case, it's different...
The moment I step down from the bus and get into the car, the first sentence that will greet me will be, "下个星期你不要在回来了拉!!!" And this sentence will continue ringing in my ears and head until the moment I step into the bus back to KL... Bet none of you experienced this before, eh??? Wanna try experiencing it?? Let's swap our parents... haha...
I'm actually planning to go to Singapore tomorrow after class... But after telling my parents about this, guess what?? Bingo... They do not allow me go at all... Had a fight with my parents on phone... argueing about me wanting to go to Singapore tomorrow... And then, mummy asked me to go back home tomorrow instead... And of course, I told her I don't want to go back home anymore as dad does not welcome me at home at all... Dad promised will not scold me if I go back tomorrow... However, will Dad ever keep his promise??? And with now the issue of me wanting to go to Singapore is going on, will Dad ever let me off from his scoldings and lectures and threats??? I doubt!!!
I wonder when will I ever dare to go back home again... The feeling of wanting to go back home yet fear and detest being told off and shouted "Don't ever come back again!" the moment I step into da car is really tormenting... Home is no longer home to me... It's no longer the home I used to anticipate going back to... Home is no longer sweet... No more "Home Sweet Home"... There is no longer the feeling of love nor warmth... Instead, the feeling of feared being rejected by the so-called home...
How I envy others whose parents allowed and wanted them to go back home... How I envy others whose parents will welcome them home with warmth and love... How stupid some of them who do not want to go back home when their parents wanted them to go back home soo much... How stupid they are for not knowing how to appreciate what they have... Why not we swap parents since you do not like going back home and my parents do not like me going back home either???
Who will ever understand how I feel?? Who will ever feel how I feel?? No one... No one will get the chance to feel this or to understand how I feel... No one will....
i am who i am
10:15 PM
