~ Dilemma ~
Edward or Jacob?? If Edward, no Jacob... If Jacob, no Edward...
Parents or bf?? If parents, no bf... If bf, no parents...
I suddenly feel like I am Bella Swan in Eclipse... Edward and Jacob cannot exist together side by side... One is a vampire, the other is a werewolf... And vampires and werewolves are enemies... And so, Bella has to decide whether she wanted Edward or Jacob... But she wanted both... Just like me... Parents and bf... Can't they both exist in the same time for me?? Why this can happen to others but not me?? Why do I have to choose between him and my parents?? I just don't understand...
"Not wanting to be ridiculously early for work, I ate my breakfast slowly, one Cheerio at a time. Then, when I'd washed the dishes, I arranged the magnets on the fridge into a perfect line. Maybe I was developing obsessive-compulsive disorder.
The last two magnets - round black utilitarian pieces that were my favorites because they could hold ten sheets of paper to the fridge without breaking a sweat - did not want to cooperate with my fixation. Their polarities were reversed; every time I tried to line the last one up, the other jumped out of place.
For some reason - impending mania, perhaps - this really irritated me. Why couldn't they just play nice? Stupid with stubbornness, I kept shoving them together as if I was expecting them to suddenly give up. I could have flipped one over, but that felt like losing. Finally, exasperated at myself more than the magnets, I pulled them from the fridge and held them together with two hands. It took a little effort - they were strong enough to put up a fight - but I forced them to coexist side-by-side.
"See," I said out loud - talking to inanimate objects, never a good sign - "That's not so horrible, is it?"
I stood there like an idiot for a second, not quite able to admit that I wasn't having any lasting effect against scientific principles. Then, with a sigh, I put the magnets back on the fridge, a foot apart.
"There's no need to be so inflexible," I muttered."
(quoted from Stephenie Meyer, 2007, "Eclipse", pg 95 -96.)
Cs doesn't want me to listen to my parents... My parents don't allow me to go anywhere (normally in Muar, where the only transport I am allowed to take to go anywhere in Muar is the car driven by my parents...) which they will not and cannot go no matter with who... Cs wants me to listen to him... My parents want me to listen to them... Why I never get the chance to listen to myself??? -.-" Why everyone loves to control my life and decide things for me??? -.-" Is that very fun??? -.-"
And why I never get the chance to control other people's life or decide things for them?? -.-" I only get to control and decide for my doggies... :( I guess... I am the King of the Dogs!!! -.-" Lame... I know... Let me be happy for a while la... Let me "syok sendiri" a while la...
Thank you.
Labels: emo, family, relationship
i am who i am
3:37 PM
